Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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