i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
