forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
