I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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