Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
