I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
