gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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