Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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