mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
