a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
