God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
