I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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