The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
