I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
