Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Less talking, more tequila
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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