hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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