We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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