Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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