Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
