dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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