I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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