Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
