Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
