Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
