david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
