i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
