dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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