Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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