I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
