They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
