First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
