I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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