I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
