I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
