imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
