Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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