I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
