we're blogging at a bar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
