I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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