Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
