Can Purell be used as lube?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
