I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
