Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
