I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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