did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
