I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize