My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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