she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
