Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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