you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
