He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
