She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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